


Lunch Time Rants!-Alfred F. JonesXReader

by BlackAngelReinae



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Comedy, Fanfiction, Fiction, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-25 19:32:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6207652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackAngelReinae/pseuds/BlackAngelReinae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>what happens in the lunch room, stays in the lunchroom. but sometimes, things can get a little out of hand... a AmericaXreader, rated M for extreme language and other things...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is my First XReader for Alfred F. Jones (aka:America). WARNING: and this is rated M for EXTREME Strong Language. If you dont like that kind of thing, then dont read it. Dont own America, Hetalia, or its characters, or the Reader. I just own the story and idea.  
> I also dont own Volbeat or its lyrics to the song: Still Counting. L yrics for Volbbeat-Still counting: [[link]](http://www.deviantart.com/users/outgoing?http://www.lyricsmania.com/still_counting_lyrics_volbeat.html)
> 
> I also dont own the quote used in the beginning of story (quote belongs to the Nostalgia Critic) (Youtube~Nostalgia Critic AVGN Rant 3)  
> This fanfic is dedicated to my mom, who taught me to stick up for myself. The Character for the XReader is based off her, coz my mom would never let anyone talk down to her like that, without a fight!! (LUV YOU MOM!^_^)  
> \------  
> 

** Alfred F. JonesXReader: Lunch Time Rants! **

**A/N: This is my First XReader for Alfred F. Jones (aka:America). WARNING: and this is rated M for 'EXTREME' Strong Language. If you don't like that kind of thing, then don't read it. Don't own America, Hetalia, or its characters,  or the Reader. I just own the story and idea.  
I also don't own Volbeat or it's lyrics to the song: 'Still Counting'. L yrics for Volbbeat-"Still counting": [www.lyricsmania.com/still_coun…](http://www.deviantart.com/users/outgoing?http://www.lyricsmania.com/still_counting_lyrics_volbeat.html)**

**I also don't own the quote used in the  beginning of story (quote belongs to the Nostalgia Critic) (Youtube~Nostalgia Critic AVGN Rant 3)  
** This fanfic is dedicated to my mom, who taught me to stick up for myself. The Character for the XReader is based off her, coz my mom would never let anyone talk down to her like that, without a fight!! (LUV YOU MOM!^_^)  
________________________________________

** Alfred F. JonesXReader: Lunch Time Rants! **

**_~Lunchtime~_ **

**_"You dirty, stuck-up, sadistic, shit-eating, cock-sucking, butt-fucking, penis-smelling, crotch-grabbing, ball- licking, semen-drinking, dog-raping, Nazi-loving, child-touching, cow-humping, perverted, spineless, heartless, mindless, dickless, testicle-choking, ._ **

**_.urine-gargling, jerk-offing, horse-face, sheep-fondling, toilet kissing, self-centered, feces-puking, dildo-shuffling, snot-spiting, crab-gathering, big-nose, monkey-slapping, bastard screwing, bean sheading, fart knocking, sap busting......._ **

**_..bluche-tasting, bear-blowing, head-swallowing, bitch-snatching, head-jobbing, doggie-caressing, mucus- spewing, anal-plugging, hoe-grabbing, uncircumcised, sewer-sipping, whore-mongering, piss-swimming, midget-munching, douchebag, hoe-biting, carnivorous, male-order, brock-up, dirty . . . ._ **

**_.ASSHOLE!!!!!"_ **

_The words came out of your mouth, shocking everyone in the lunch room. Even some of your friends, were staring at you, like you had grown two heads or you had just had a mental breakdown from the loony bin._

_"Whoa." Alfred said, for once actually not saying a stupid comment that he usually says. Even Arthur was speechless as his jaw literally just dropped, at hearing anyone say something like that, let alone a girl._

_You started gasping for air, as you glared angry eyes at the tramp cheerleader in front of you._

_"Well, bitch.think you can top that?" You said, as you waited for her to speak_

 

**~Le Backwards time wrap to 3 hours ago~**

 

"______?" 

 

"_____?" 

 

"Yoo-hoo!!!" A hand waved back in front of your face as you kept staring into space, trying to ignore the sounds of your good friend, Alfred, trying to get your attention.  
You weren't in the mood to deal with him, since your day had already been starting to turn crappy. 

Your alarm clock didn't go off, so you overslept and you almost missed your bus, when your mom wanted you to take out the trash.

 

Then when you finally got to the bus stop, you got tripped once again, by a leg that was sticking out. You tried not to glare daggers at who had done it, as you saw it was one of the popular cheerleader's at your high school.

 

"Oh I'm sssorry, I didn't see you there." She faked cooed at you, her voice dripping with fake sympathy as her friends snickered at you, for falling.

 

You held your temper in, or otherwise, you would have ripped that fucking smile right off her goddamn face and make her give you a real fucking apology, right in front of her snobby-ass friends. 

Then it just got even shitter as the day passed on.

Your locker wouldn't open again, for the millionth time and when you finally did get it open, someone had put a pair of boxers in it. You quickly threw them in the nearest trash can, as you went to go get your books for class  
As a playboy magazine with your picture taped on the cover wearing devil panties and horns, was stashed in your locker.

That was it: **YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH!**

You knew who was responsible for your bad day and were gonna take it up with them.personally.(*since they were stupid enough to write their name on the magazine in pink lipstick*)

You barged into the classroom, angry flames in your eyes as you stormed over to your desk and waited. After a few minutes had passed, you heard the door open and saw Alfred come in, and take a seat across from you.  
He started to go on about the new video game that he just got as you dully ignored his voice as a hand grabbed for the magazine that you had under your elbow. 

 

"Whoa, dude! What is this. -! **WHAT THE HELL?!** " You quickly turned your head as you saw Alfred's wide eyes looking at the magazine with a look of horror and shock on his face. "How did. when didyou" He stuttered outloud, not knowing what to say.

 

"That's not my doing"You said as you stared at your desk.

 

"What the hell are you talking about _______?" He asked, not knowing what you meant. 

 

"You should know me better than that Alfey! I would never do something that shitty or lowlife like that!" You said in a low gravely tone.

 

"Then, who did do this?" He asked as he quickly and quietly handed you back the magazine, so know one would see it.

 

"Take a wild fucking guess Alfey:  
And the first two don't count!" You said, as he quickly put two and two together. He groaned outloud as he face-palmed himself.  
He knew who you were talking about and he was now feeling pissed off, at who had did this awful prank. You knew it two and you both gonna have to deal with this today. 

The person who had did this, was that same damn cheerleader who tripped you on the bus. She was always teasing you and messing with you since you first started high school..and see only did it because, you hung out with Alfred.

You see, she had eyes for Alfred and wanted to go out with him, so she kept trying to find ways to break up your friendship with him.  
And when you were dealing with her pranks, she was trying to flirt and put the moves on Alfred, who didn't fall for them . . .  
Not one time.

Guess she was running out of ideas, so she must have taken them up the next level.

Speaking of the bitch . . .  
guess, who just walked through the damn door?

 

You groaned as she trotted her way to where Alfred was sitting, as she boldly sat on his desk, so she could have his full attention.

 

"Hi Alfred" She cooed sweetly, trying to get his attention to only look at her. You tried not to make a gagging sound as she continued to egg him to hang out with her, again.  
This was starting to make your stomach churn, so you wanted it to end: Now!

 

You quickly shot up from your desk and grabbed her by the shirt, not caring who was watching.

 

"What the hell do you think your doing?" She screeched at you, as you stared at her, not really giving a shit.

 

"What gave you the fucking right to put this shit in my locker, huh?" You growled angrily at her as you threw the magazine at her, letting it smack her in the face.

She just stared at you, as she whined like the bitch she was, trying to tell you off. You rolled your eyes at her, as you pulled her close to you, forcing her to look you in your (eye color choice) eyes.

 

"You have to be the stupidest idiot I have ever met. Can't you see, that no one cares what the fuck you say?" You said, letting the words sink into her mind.  
"But, if you still want to settle this, then let's settle ittoday, .. noon. lunchtime. cafeteria." You said as you let go of her shirt as she quickly got off the desk and started to walk out of the classroom.

 

"Yeah, we'll settle thisyour dead girlie!" She said, trying to act tough.

 

"Same to you bitch: **NOW GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!** " You bellowed at her, as she left the classroom. You went to go back to your seat, letting out a breath as the rush started coming down.

 

"Whoa ______, that was something." Alfred said, kinda a little shocked that you could say something like that.

 

"Yeah, and it's only just getting started." You said as you got out a book and started to read.

 

**~Lunchtime~**

 

You sat at your usual table with Alfred and the usual group of friends. It was a mixed crowed of people, some you had known since you were a kid.

Arthur was arguing with Alfred once again, as Alfred kept egging Arthur on, who was just getting madder. 

Kiku and Yao (the two Japanese and Chinese foreign students) were having a discussion on whatever they usually talk about. 

Ivan, (that really silent creepy Russian guy) was staring at everyone like he usually does, with that childish like smile on his face. 

And as usual.  
Felicano (the happy go lucky Italian guy) was wanting to have pasta again, annoying Ludwig (his German friend) for the billionth time today, and earning him a whack on the head.

Felic let out a whiny cry at being whacked on the head, as Alfred laughed at the sight, thinking that was the funniest thing in the world, earning him a glare from Arthur. 

You just ignored all of it, as usual,  waiting for when it would be time to do what you wanted to do. 

As you were about to open your lunch to eat (your favorite lunch food), you heard Arthur let out a groan. 

You were familiar with that sound as you knew who would be coming: the bad touch trio.  
You just focused on your lunch as Arthur went into another argument, but this time with Francis. (That perverted French guy that gave you the creeps)

The sounds of the arguments were starting to get annoying, so you pulled out your ipod from your pocket and put the headphones in your ears, as you listened to the last song you listened to last night:

 

_Counting all the assholes in the room  
Well I´m definitely not alone, well I´m not alone_

_You´re a lier, you´re a cheater, you´re fool  
Well that´s just like me yoohoo and I know you too_

_Mr. Perfect don´t exist my little friend  
And I tell you it again, and I do it again_

_Counting all the assholes in the room, Well I´m  
definitely not alone, well I´m not alone_

_Look deep into yourself before you blame all others  
for betrayal, for betrayal_

_I promise, so easy to say, and easy you failed,  
and you do it again_

_Well the music seems do cover  
And all the liquid do the colours_

_Well I turn my back and  
go for all the better things in order_

_Well maybe you think your lie is safe  
But I read you like a letter, yeah like a letter_

_Your charm do not evens the pain  
it feeds me with rage, and you do it again_

_Well the music seems do cover  
And all the liquid do the colours_

_Well I turn my back and  
go for all the better things in order_

_Well the music seems do cover  
And all the liquid do the colours_

_Well I turn my back and  
go for all the better things in order_

_And a gangster keeps on telling  
That he got a song that matters_

_So I flip a coin towards him  
Thank you very much for listening_

 

Then, you heard an all too familiar laugh as you pulled out your headphones to see what the commotion was all about. You held back the urge to swear outloud as you saw who was heading for you table.

Miss. Stuck up Cheerleader ** _aka: "Bitch trasher"_** as you liked to call her. She walked to your table, like she owned the fucking lunch room as she glared hot daggers at you, I guess for embarrassing her earlier today.

 

"So, ." She said, in a bored like tone, like you were nothing but an insect to her. 

You said nothing, as she droned on about how you were useless and didn't deserve to be under the same school roof as her. You let her continue on to trash you as you said nothing, just waiting for the right moment to strike back at her.

It looked like this caught the attention of some of the people at your table, coz Francis nudged his albino friend Gilbert who pulled out his cell and was starting to video tape the entire thing, with the biggest grin on his face.

You didn't care that the albino bastard was filming it:  
hell you would have asked him to do it earlier, but since it was already being done, it just made your plan go even better for you. 

As soon as you thought that the bitch was done with her little rant, you got up from your seat, already feeling yourself annoyed and ready to clock the girl out. 

 

"So, do you understand what I'm getting at, you freak?" She said rudely, as a few people let out sharp gasps and other fight club like sounds, knowing that something was going down, pretty soon. 

 

"Well, all I understand right now.is a little bitch, just ranting off about the most useless shit that seems so unimportant right now. And the reason is, coz she's not getting everything she wants, like the spoiled fucking princess she **'thinks'** she is!"  You said as more people got into this, giving off shouts and cheers as you went head to head with this broad.

 

"You're a little whore, you stupid little bitch! A no-good little two timing whore!" She to you, with a smirk on her face, thinking she had finally broke you down. 

But you had a plan, and it was gonna be good.

You walked up straight to the bitch, like you had practiced all this time I  your mind  
Got right in her face  
And said.

 

"You know what I think about you, every time I see your damn face?" You asked her, not waiting for to answer before you spoke. "I think this:"  
..  
. ** _"You dirty, stuck-up, sadistic, shit-eating, cock-sucking, butt-fucking, penis-smelling, crotch-grabbing, ball- licking, semen-drinking, dog-raping, Nazi-loving, child-touching, cow-humping, perverted, spineless, heartless, mindless, dickless, testicle-choking, ._**

****

**_. urine-gargling, jerk-offing, horse-face, sheep-fondling, toilet kissing, self-centered, feces-puking, dildo-shuffling, snot-spiting, crab-gathering, big-nose, monkey-slapping, bastard screwing, bean sheading, fart knocking, sap busting......._ **

****

**_.bluche-tasting, bear-blowing, head-swallowing, bitch-snatching, head-jobbing, doggie-caressing, mucus- spewing, anal-plugging, hoe-grabbing, uncircumcised, sewer-sipping, whore-mongering, piss-swimming, midget-munching, douchebag, hoe-biting, carnivorous, male-order, brock-up, dirty . . . ._ **

**_..ASSHOLE!!!!!"_ **

The words came out of your mouth, shocking everyone in the lunch room. Even some of your friends, were staring at you, like you had grown two heads or you had just had a mental breakdown from the loony bin.

And that was basically it.  
That's how this whole mess started for you.

"Whoa." Alfred said, for once actually not saying a stupid comment that he usually says. Even Arthur was speechless as his jaw literally just dropped, at hearing anyone say something like that, let alone a girl.

You started gasping for air, as you glared angry eyes at the tramp cheerleader in front of you.

 

"Well, bitch.think you can top that?" You said, as you waited for her to speakwhich her response.  
Was nothing.

 

"Zhat vas AWESOME!!!" Gilbert yelled in the background, still filming. 

 

You took a mock bow as the girl, started to left the area, bursting into fake like tears, not before she gave a look to Alfred, thinking he might help her. But he just gave her a glaring like look that basically said to fuck off as she started to sniffle and leave the area, not even looking back at you.

 

"Please tell me you got all that?" You asked Gilbert, who gave you the biggest grin on his face.

 

"Every beautiful vord, kesesesese~!" He said as you gave him a grin back as he stopped filming. You felt a hand on your shoulder as you turned to see Alfred looking at you, as he looked like he had something that he wanted to say.

 

"Um, Look______, about what happened earlier" He started to say, but you cut him off.

 

"Forget it, it's nothing. You had nothing to deal with it, so I understand if you want" You said, not wanting to go any further with the conversation, than it already was. 

You started to leave the area, heading down the hallway to your locker, trying to hold back tears, that you didn't want anyone to see.  
You were such an idiot sometimesyou couldn't even tell the one person that you liked in the entire world that you even liked him.  
But you knew, that he would never see you that way: he would always see you as a friend, and nothing more. 

You felt someone grab your arm as you sharply turned around to tell them off when you let out a gasp at who it was. You could feel a hot light blush starting to form on your cheeks as you stared at Alfred with your (eye color choice) eyes.  
He stared back at you, face full of worry.

 

"_______, what's wrong?" He asked you, as you said nothing. He started putting the pieces together, figuring out what you knew that you wanted to say.

 

"Look, if it's about her" He said, as you felt yourself freeze up. You didn't want to talk about her, not now or ever.

 

"Look, I don't want to talk about this" You said, trying to get out of his grip. But Alfred kept a strong iron grip on your arm, not wanting you to go and escape.

 

"But I want to talk about it! I want you to listen!" He said as he pulled you close to him and embraced you tightly, making sure you wouldn't escape.

 

"Look _____," You heard him say, as for once you shut yourself up and listened to what he had to say. "Did you ever think I had feeling for her? I know she was always trying to ask me out, but did you ever once ask yourself, why I turned her down all those times?" 

You didn't answer him, as you started thinking carefully on his questions that he had asked you. You just couldn't figure it out and you didn't even want to know why.

 

"Look, if you really don't me to know that you have someone else in mind." You started to say, but you were cut off.

 

 **"ARE YOU AN IDIOT _______?!** " Your shoulders were roughly grabbed as you forced yourself to at Alfred, who stared hard at you.  
"Can't you see that it's you? That all I want is you? I turned her down all those times, because I already have someone that I have feeling for and  dammit _____, it's you!" He said to you, as you stood there shocked at his words.

 

"I have..always liked you______, ever since. we were kids. I have.never thought of us.as 'Just friends'.." He said to you, as his voice got a little lower and he inched his face close to yours. You just kept staring at his eyes, not knowing what to say or do.

 

"_____.....I love you.." He said, as his face got closer to yours. "I love youso much.." He whispered the words that you had so longed to hear, as his lips found yours, pulling you closer to him as he embraced you while he kissed you. 

You could feel your mind going fuzzy at the feeling of the kiss. It was soft and gentle, almost like him, but with a little bit of a kick to it.  
You kissed him back, feeling like you had just entered nirvana heaven, not wanting it to end.

But breathing was starting to become a little difficult, as the kiss was broken off and both of you came up for air, your face now with a deeper blush.  
Alfred gave you a grin, as you grinned back. 

 

"I guess you don't need me to tell you what you already know." You said, feeling the blush still on your face.

 

"Yea, I know, but I still want to hear you say it _____." Alfred said, as you mentally face palmed yourself.

 

"Ok, ok.I love you too, Alfred." You said, as he gave you a cocky grin.

 

"What, no 'Alfey' this time?" He teased in a fake whiny voice.

 

"Hero's shouldn't have nicknames, goofball." You teased him back.

 

"Hey, the hero should always have a nickname.and the girlfriend of the hero should always call him by the nickname!" He teased some more as you mentally face palmed yourself.

You just had to fall in love with this guybut, after all that has happened today, whatever comes next.  
Will be totally worth it.

 

"Sowanna go tease the hell out of iggy?" Alfred asked, he gave you a cocky grin.

 

"Do you need to ask?" You said, as you gave him a cocky grin back and walked back down the hallway, grabbing his hand and holding it tight, as he gave your hand a squeeze back, not ever wanting to let it go.

 **~The End?~**  
**(originally posted/*done on: May 13, 2012)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is my First XReader for Alfred F. Jones (aka: America). WARNING: and this is rated M for ‘EXTREME’ Strong Language. If you don’t like that kind of thing, then don’t read it. Don’t own America, Hetalia, or its characters, or the Reader. I just own the story and idea.
> 
> A/N2: I decided to make a part 2 to this one, so this will be the final part. *guess who comes back for round 2?* yep, it’s you-know-who from the first part….who is out for revenge….  
> Thanks to everyone who had read and favorited the first part. As usual, please support and review, and enjoy the story!!!^_^ 
> 
> ~Also don’t own theory of a Deadman or song/lyrics to ‘The Bitch came back” or Godsmack -"Crying Like a Bitch"
> 
> Songs in story: theory of a Deadman: ‘The Bitch came back’… link for lyrics: [link] and same for Godsmack -"Crying Like a Bitch"
> 
> Please write up a comment or review about it, since this is my first one writing for a type of story like this. 
> 
> So until next time my friends….  
> *don't own america, hetalia or reader, or pic. pic was found as usual on google!!!*

Alfred F. JonesXReader: Lunch Time Rants 2!

 

The rest of the day, was so much more fun, as you didn’t have to have anymore moments with that stupid girl again. (*you were toning down on your nicknames for her, since you figured she had learned her lesson*)  
You’re classes where normal and boring like, as they usually were always. The kids in class behaved like they usually did and were acting like the morons that they were, when the teacher was around or looking. 

So you were glad when the bell rang, signaling that the last class was over for the day. 

You heard the footsteps of Alfred coming up right behind you, as you grabbed your bag and left to go home. He followed right behind you, as you both were talking and laughing, feeling like this was the end of a perfect day…

 

But soon, the past was to be repeated again….

As soon as you got home from spending some time with Alfred at the arcade, you went to go check your email. You were deadly surprised when you saw a message on your facebook account…

It went like this….

_________(Your name)! If anyone see’s this *BEEP* stay far away, because she is a big fat *BEEP**BEEP* and has *BEEP**BEEP* and also…

The rest of the message was in dirty crude humor and threats, that made you’re blood boil. It looked like, you-know-who was back and out for revenge. It seemed that little stand up you did to her, didn’t go all the way through…

 

Well, two can play at this game….

 

You’re phone rang as you grabbed your cellphone, as you recognized the caller: it was Alfred. 

“Hello?” You said as you answered the phone.

“Hey, ________(Your name)! Did you see that message on facebook…” Alfred started to say, but you cut him off.

“Yeah, I saw it. Looks like she is still mad…” You said, as Alfred sighed in the background. 

“I guess…what are you gonna do________(Your name)? I really can’t stand much more of her attitude….” He said, as you thought of a really good idea.  
A devilish smirk came across your face as you got your plan working.

Telling Alfred that you would call him back, you hung up and punched in a certain set of numbers into your phone, calling a certain set of people who were good at stuff like this….

 

“Hey, It’s me, _________(Your name)…” You said to the person on the other line.

“OI, _______(Your name)! Never vould have zhought you vould call us….” You recognized the tone belonging to Gilbert as he must have grabbed the phone. 

“Yeah, okay, look, I need a favor…from you guys….” You started to say as you could hear the other two listening in as well.

“Let me guess, zhe bitch again, huh?” Gilbert asked.

“Yeah….do you think you can help me out?” You asked, as Gilbert chuckled in the background. 

“Ja, of course! Ve vere getting bored of spinning Antonio here in zhe wax paper, so I’m glad you called to ask us for a favor…” Gilbert said. You felt a groan escape from you, as you really didn’t want to know what they were doing with Toni and wax paper… (//ANY GUESS’S ANYONE? ANYONE?//)

“Good…now, here’s my plan….

 

*1 hour later*

 

“Well, what do you think?”

“I LIKE IT!”

“Zhat sounds awesome!”

“Si! I think it might be fun!~

“Okay, then! Tomorrow, have everything ready and be at the front of the school building…….” 

 

The next day: you were at the school gates, as you had planned to be. Because of all the planning you had made yesterday, you had a hard time getting sleep, since you just couldn’t wait for round 2 of this little ‘bitch fight’ game…

As you watched the other students pass by you, on the way to school, you heard someone call out your name, as you turned your head to see who was calling you.   
You tried to hold back a grin, as you saw Alfred coming your way. You didn’t say anything, as he came over to you and started talking about the new video game that he had gotten a few days ago.

After a few minutes, he looked to the side, as his voice dropped to a whisper, as he didn’t want anyone to hear his conversation with you.

 

“So, what’s your plan, _________(Your name)?” Alfred said to you, as you started to walk towards the school entry doorway. 

“Well, you’ll just have to wait and see…” You said, as you noticed some familiar sounding footsteps and shouts. You both turned to see a familiar face in the crowd of people…  
It was the Miss. Stuck up Cheerleader…aka: “Bitch trasher” and see had the face of revenge as she glared evil looking eyes at you, like you were some kind of annoying bug that wouldn’t come off her jacket or something. 

She walked over to you, as she tried to see if you would do anything or start up another round of trash talk. But before anything could happen, you looked at your watch as you saw the seconds pass.

 

3…2…1…showtime….

 

And like that, you motioned Alfred to follow you as you both walked started to head into the school building, with the girl following right behind you, calling to both of you to stop.  
But the minute she was about to reach a hand to you, you heard some really loud music playing on a car from close by.

All three of you turned and saw a familiar looking silver haired boy, which was Gilbert, honking a car horn in a silver jeep Cherokee. Also in the jeep Cherokee, was his two friends, Antonio and Francis, as they had big smiles on their faces. As Antonio got out of the car and went on top of the car, he took off a covering that had something under it.   
The thing that was hooked to the top of the car ,was a huge poster sign with the girl’s face from one of the past yearbooks, as it was done really weird like *like with photoshop* as everyone stared and pointed at it, thinking it was the funniest thing in the world. 

You held back a giggle as you heard the music play again, as you saw Gilbert grabbed a megaphone and spoke very loudly into it.

“HERE’S TO ZHE BIGGEST BITCH IN ZHE VORLD!” Gilbert yelled as he got a few laughs from some students as the music played even louder like...

 

The bitch came back the very next day  
Oh the bitch came back thought she was a goner  
But the bitch came back she couldn't stay away  
Don't you know the bitch came back

 

I like her so much better when she's down on her knees  
Cause when she's in my face that's when I'm starting to see  
That all my friends are laughing thinking that we belong  
Well she's so fucking stupid that shes singing along

The trouble with girls is they're all the same  
Forget the diamonds and pearls they just want a ring  
Before you know it you're like a dog on a leash  
Well you can try and change the world but you won't change me

 

The bitch came back the very next day  
Oh the bitch came back thought she was a goner  
But the bitch came back she couldn't stay away  
Don't you know the bitch came back

 

There she goes again just always breaking my balls  
No matter what I do somehow its always my fault  
She says I must be cheating cause I turned off my phone  
But that's the only frickin way she'll leave me alone

The trouble with girls is its never enough  
Love to complain and they never shut up  
Like to tell you the way it ought to be  
Go on and tell the world just don't tell me

The bitch came back the very next day  
Oh the bitch came back thought she was a goner  
But the bitch came back she couldn't stay away  
Don't you know the bitch came back

 

It ain't a joke when I say I wanna throw you out   
(I really mean it) (I really mean it)  
Well look who's laughing now

 

The bitch came, the bitch came back  
The bitch came, the bitch came back  
the bitch came, the bitch came back  
She just couldn't stay away

 

The bitch came back the very next day  
Oh the bitch came back thought she was a goner  
But the bitch came back she won't stay the fuck away

The bitch came back the very next day  
Oh the bitch came back thought she was a goner  
But the bitch came back she couldn't stay away  
Don't you know the bitch came back

 

The bitch came back the very next day  
Oh the bitch came back thought she was a goner  
But the bitch came back she couldn't stay away  
Don't you know the bitch came back

 

Laughter was heard throughout the school yard, as the girl let out a small grunt as she walked away from the scene. Both you and Alfred laughed too, as the look on her face at seeing the scene in front of her, was too funny to you guys.

Alfred went to the three guys, as he had a big smile on his face.

“Dudes! That was totally awesome!” Alfred said, as he gave Gilbert a high five. “Man, I’m never gonna forget that ever!” 

“Vell, if you vant to zhank somevone, zhank,_________(Your name)” Gilbert said, as he pointed a finger at you. “It vas part of her so called ‘master plan’. Everyone turned to look at you, as you had a smile on your face. Alfred gave you a grin as he went over to you and gave you a big hug.

“Thanks a lot, _______(Your name)!” Alfred said. “This means a lot…”

“Now Alfred! We can’t be celebrating yet.” You said as you more in store for part of your plan. “Were just getting warmed up…. Aren’t we, guys?” 

Alfred looked confused as the three guys in the jeep high fived each other, feeling confused at the moment. But he decided to just watch and enjoy the show, that was in store. So, now, the fun would soon begin….

 

Around lunch time, you and Alfred went to your usual crowd of friends at your usual table in the lunchroom, trying your hardest to keep quiet about what was going to happen next. As you both took a seat, Alfred nudged your arm, trying to get your attention.

You turned to him, wondering what he wanted to say to you. 

“So, ________(Your name), any ideas on what’s going to happen now?” He asked as he had a look of excitement on his face as he grinned at you. As you could tell by the look on his face, you knew that he couldn’t wait to see what was going to happen next in your so called plan. 

As you looked around, waiting for the signal, you felt a smirk came across your face as you saw your target enter the room. 

“Target sighted!” You said as you pointed at the person who had just entered the room. Everyone at your table turned to see Miss. Stuck up Cheerleader aka: “Bitch trasher", coming into the lunchroom, covered in spray paint, confetti, and glitter. People in the lunchroom saw her and started to giggle or laugh at her, at the way she looked.

Alfred was one of the people, who tried to hold in a giggle, but a few snickers did escape from him.

 

“Oh my god! That’s frickin hilarious!” Alfred said, through his mouth covered giggles. He looked at you, with a devilish look in his eyes, wanting to know what you had done in your so ‘plan’. “What did you guys do? I mean, she looks like she went through a freakin glitter store, that was having an everything half-off sale!”

“Oh, nothing.” You said as you felt a devilish smirk come across your face, as you pointed at the three *AKA THE B.T.T* as they had smirks on their faces, trying to hold in their laughter.   
“We just added a few new accessories to her look….” You chuckled at the next part.

“….by putting homemade stuffed balloons full of spray paint, glitter and confetti, into her locker before school started this morning.” 

 

When you said that, Alfred couldn’t take it anymore, as he burst out in laughter, laughing very loud and very hard. When you said, what you had just said, he thought it was so funny that he couldn’t take it anymore and he had to laugh his ass off. So as he was still laughing, the B.T.T members joined in, laughing along with Alfred.   
Soon as Alfred and the B.T.T were laughing, others from the table joined in the laughter as well. Your whole table was soon covered in laughter, as it was too much for them to contain any longer. 

You let a bit of time pass, as you let everyone at the table get all the laughs outta them, letting them calm down first, before letting the rest of the day continue.   
When everyone was done laughing, you checked your watch, looking at the time. 

It was almost time for your next part, but you needed a little bit of… ‘help’….

 

You looked at Alfred, giving him a smirk, as you knew he would be perfect for the plan. Giving him a sweet look, you turned to Alfred, as you used your best ‘I’m the perfect person in the world’ voice, to get him to ask for some help.

“Hey Alfred? Do you think, you can help me with a little, something-something?” You asked him, giving him a puppy dog look. Alfred got a smile on his face, as he got the message you were trying to say.

“Sure thing, ______(Your name)! After all, whatever you need done, might be a job for the hero!” Alfred said, as he stood up from his chair and did a superhero like pose, trying to show off, like he usually does. “And since I am the hero and you’re my girl, I can’t say no, to you. After all, that wouldn’t be very heroic of me, wouldn’t it?” 

“No it wouldn’t, Alfey…” You said as you motioned for Alfred to listen to you for a sec. “Now, what I need you to do is this….” 

 

About 30 minutes later, Alfred was walking to the girl’s locker room *while trying to act like a super spy or so, but was epically failing….LIKE A BOSS!* as he looked around, to make sure that no one saw him enter the locker room. When the coast was clear, he quickly went in and moving lighting fast, went through the locker room office, that had a backdoor to the gym. As he quickly, went through the door, he went into the gym, having a big smirk on his face. 

“Now…where is that PDA for the gym again?” He asked him, as he looked around, and then, looked at the little map that you had made for him. 

The map also had little instructions for him to do, mostly on what you wanted him to do for the job you asked him. After reading the instructions for a few minutes, he was sure that he was able to get it done right. 

As the hero, he knew that he had to get the job done, no matter what the cost.

“Okay, this is gonna work, I’m gonna make sure it does, as I am the hero!” Alfred said, as he went over to where the PDA room was, as opened the door and went in, and closed the door behind him, as he got his work ready to get started….

 

You waited for as long as you could, wondering what was taking Alfred so long to come back. You were about to go looking for him, when you saw him coming around the corner, with a big smile across his face. He gave you a wave, knowing that was the signal for what he needed to do next. You nodded your head, as you moved to a side of the lockers, keeping your attention on the lockers. 

He grinned as he took a step back, as he got ready to what seemed to be running the hallway. He waited a few minutes, before taking a running charge down the hallway.

 

“I’M THE HEROOOOO!!!!” Alfred yelled loudly, banging on the lockers very loudly and doors of the classrooms, to get everyone’s attention. People came out of the classrooms, after hearing Alfred yelling like the idiot that he was. As they came out into the hallway, they noticed signs that were pointing to the gym, for people to go to. 

You tried to hide in a giggle, as you went to the gym, getting lost in a crowd. You followed some people, when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned to see Alfred right behind you, with a smile on his face. 

“So, ready to see what happens next Alfey?” You said, as you also had a smile on your face. 

“Sure, I am _______(Your name)!” Alfred said as he and you both went into the gym, hiding in the back of the gym, far away from the front of the crowd, so you guys wouldn’t be seen. 

You both waited for the signal to start the next part of the show, as you waited for the time to start. The time came soon, when a big screen suddenly showed a slideshow of pictures and a weird video of some sort of the miss. Cheerleader victim that you guys had been pranking all day, doing a badly karaoke song with a hairbrush in the girl’s locker-room. 

Everyone was laughing and making comments, as the video-slideshow continued as music was suddenly heard through the speakers of the sound system in the gym’s PDA system.

 

It was another song to make fun and teach her a lesson…. 

 

Strut on by like a king,  
Tellin' everybody they know nothing,  
Long live what you thought you were,  
Time ain't on your side anymore,  
Anymore

And so You tell me I can't take my chances,  
But I've told you one too many times you were cryin' like a bitch!

I'm tougher than nails, I can promise you that,  
Step out of line and you'll get bitch slapped back,  
And you can run your little mouth all day,  
But the hand of God just smacked you back into yesterday

And so You tell me I can't take my chances,  
But I've told you one too many times you were cryin' like a bitch,  
And you wonder why no one can stand you,  
And there's no denyin' you were cryin' like a bitch,  
You were cryin' like a bitch!

Blinded by your sacred faded past times,  
Only time is your enemy,  
Granted a second chance to prove that your arrogance is stronger than you'll ever be,  
Stronger than you can be,  
Oh, stronger than you can be  
Oh, stronger than you can... BE!

And so You tell me I can't take my chances,  
But I've told you one too many times you were cryin' like a bitch,  
And you wonder why no one can stand you,  
And there's no denyin' you were cryin' like a bitch,  
You were cryin' like a bitch!  
You were cryin' like a bitch!  
You were cryin' like a bitch!  
Oh, Bitch!

 

The whole crowd of students was laughing their heads off, as some teachers called to order for the students. As you and Alfred high fived each other, you heard the familiar footsteps of the girl coming your way. You both turned as you saw her red angry face, as she glared angry daggers at mostly you.

“So, I guess you’re happy, with your ‘little revenge’ plan on me, huh?” She asked, as she had a fist at her side, trying to hold back the urge to hit you in the face.

“Um, let me think…um, yep, I guess!” You said as you tried to hold back a smirk at her. Her fist shook with anger and rage, as she was about to strike you with a hard punch in the face…  
that is, she was, until three buckets of cold water, was suddenly drenched her from head to toe. You and Alfred turned and started to laugh at the sight, as you saw the B.T.T, with buckets in their hands. It seemed that they were the ones that threw the buckets of water at her, getting her all wet…

She let out a scream of fury, as she ran off to go change, doing a fake like cry as she shouted out rude curse words and evil threats to you and the others, swearing that she would come back and get back after you for this.   
But later you would find out, that the girl moved to a different school in a different city…

 

Soon, you and Alfred were laughing again, thinking how much fun this whole day was too much fun. After finding again that Gilbert had filmed the entire day and promised to give you a copy of the video from both days of ‘Fun’, you decided to start heading on home. So, at the end of the day, you and Alfred left to go back to your house, for a marathon of video games and eating a ton of junk food. 

“Hey, ________(Your name), today was so much fun.” Alfred said as he put a arm around your shoulder, as you two both walked together, all the way to your house.

“Yeah, it was. And it all worked out in the end, thanks to you’re help, Alfey.” You said, as you gave him a smile.

“It was nothing, ______(Your name). After all, I am the hero and you’re my girl, so making you happy, is what the hero should do.” Alfred said, as he gave you a smile back.   
You both walked in silence for a bit, then Alfred spoke up, with a smirk on his face.

“Hey ______(Your name), I just remembered something….” Alfred said, as you turned to him.

“What is that?” You asked. 

“I just remembered….that I forgot to put back iggy’s pants, back in his locker, back at school.” Alfred said. “Do you think we should go back?”

“Naw, let’s just keep going.” You said, as you both laughed at the thought of how poor iggy would do, at the thought of not having any pants to wear home.  
The thought, would be too much for him to bear, as you couldn’t wait to find out how it went tomorrow….

\------~EXTRA ENDING~------  
You heard some shouts coming from outside your window as you saw Alfred being chased by Arthur outside in the backyard, who looked fricken pissed. You could just make out a few things….

“I’M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU BLOODY BASTARD!”

“c’mon, iggy, it was just a prank…”

“THAT WAS NO BLOODY DAMN PRANK,THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE…BY PUTTING MY TROUSERS IN THE BLOODY SWIMMING POOL!”

You felt yourself laughing at hearing that. Looks like there was something you can rub in for later usage…..  
\-----   
*done on: feb. 24,2013

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this is the longest XReader I have ever done. Almost 11 Pages when I wrote this. (big one for me) so, I might write more for America, but I would like to know about the story. Since this my first XReader for America, I would like to know how I did on it, in case I need to improve on it better for next time.  
> So..
> 
> YA or NAY of you like it. 
> 
> YA or NAY if it should go on. 
> 
> Please write up a comment or review about it, since this is my first one writing for a type of story like this. 
> 
> So until next time my friends.  
> *don't own america, hetalia or reader, or pic. pic was found as usual on google!!!*


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